There’s a quote from The Dark Knight that’s haunted me for years:
“You either die a hero, or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.”
When I first heard it, I thought it was just a clever line. But the older I get, the more it feels like a mirror.
I didn’t set out to be a villain.
I just kept living.
And life, as it turns out, has a way of changing you.
Somewhere along the road, you gather enemies just by existing.
You make choices you regret.
You lose your innocence in bits and pieces—rarely all at once.
And eventually, you start to wonder if you’ve become what you once feared.
That’s when I stumbled across Nietzsche’s words:
“He who fights with monsters should be careful lest he thereby become a monster.
And if you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss also gazes into you.”
And I knew exactly what he meant.
Because the longer in my mind.....I think I am fighting to stand for what’s right, the more I’ve seen shadows form around me—outside, yes, but also within.
I’ve grown harder. Less trusting. Less patient.
I see through illusions quicker now—but I miss the comfort of having them.
There’s an enigmatic dichotomy at work in me.
I want to be good, but I see more clearly how often I fail.
I want to be a light, but I’ve been shaped by darkness, too.
And somehow, through it all...
Jesus becomes more radiant.
He’s the only One I’ve ever seen stare into the abyss and come out pure.
Not bitter. Not jaded. Not compromised.
He walked through betrayal, cruelty, injustice, abandonment, and death itself—and He never became the villain.
He stayed tender.
He forgave when I would’ve cursed.
He trusted the Father when I would’ve run.
And when He rose, it wasn’t with vengeance, but victory.
As I age and see more of the world’s ugliness—and my own—I find myself drawn not away from Easter, but toward it.
Not because I’ve become stronger or better.
But because I finally understand just how much I need resurrection.
The promise of eternal life doesn’t feel abstract anymore.
It feels necessary.
And the grace of God?
It’s not a sweet idea—it’s 100% oxygen.
So yes, I’ve lived long enough to feel more like the villain.
But I’ve also lived long enough to know this:
Jesus never became one.
And because of that, there’s still hope for someone like me.
Here are some of those promises:
Romans 5:8
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
Isaiah 53:5
But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was on him,
and by his wounds we are healed.
2 Corinthians 4:16–17
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.
For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.
Hebrews 4:15–16
For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses,
but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin.
Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.
and of course a song: Staring Into the Abyss
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