Tuesday, October 27, 2026

History Is Merely a Circle: How Milton Would Comment on the State of Our Affairs Today

For about six months now, I have been working my way through Immortal Poems of the English Language. I have loved every minute of it.

With today’s tools, it doesn’t take long to learn something about a poet’s life before stepping into his words. A little biography, a little historical background, and suddenly a poem written centuries ago becomes a conversation with someone who once wrestled with many of the same things I do.

Sometimes I stop and think, I might be the only human on earth reading this particular poem right now.

Almost certainly an exaggeration—but there is something wonderful about the thought. Someone put those words on paper hundreds of years ago, and here I am, giving them another hearing.

I have now arrived at John Milton. This is going to take a while. He is someone I plan to sit down and camp out with. I added a biography to my Kindle, settled in, and promptly wandered off the poetry trail.

then suddenly-An essay caught my attention.Written to the English Parliament in 1644.

On freedom of speech.

So much for leaving our current arguments behind.

Milton’s Areopagitica challenged Parliament’s licensing order of 1643, which generally required official approval before a work could be printed. England was in the throes of civil war, while the Thirty Years’ War continued its devastation on the European continent. These were dangerous times for arguments about religion, government, and who possessed the authority to decide what others could read.

What especially caught my attention was that Milton was challenging people whose cause he supported. He sided with Parliament against the king. Yet here he was, asking Parliament to reconsider its own restrictions.

In my paraphrase: You opposed oppression. Be careful what you do now that you possess power.

Sound familiar?

We are usually quite perceptive about the dangers of authority when someone we distrust holds it. Our vision becomes less reliable when the authority belongs to our friends.

Milton presses a question that reaches well beyond seventeenth-century printing:

Do we protect truth by controlling what people can read, or by teaching them to judge?

His argument assumes that readers have work to do. They must examine, compare, distinguish, and choose. Keeping every mistaken idea out of their reach will not produce the same wisdom as learning to recognize why an idea is mistaken.

One passage stopped me:

“I cannot praise a fugitive and cloistered virtue, unexercised and unbreathed…”

“Unbreathed” carries the sense of being unexercised or untested. Milton is questioning a virtue that has never had to face opposition—a goodness that remains safely indoors while the struggle takes place outside.

Milton argues that “cloistered virtue” is goodness kept safely in seclusion, protected from temptation and opposing ideas. Its weakness is that it has never been tested: avoiding a difficult choice does not demonstrate the ability to choose wisely. Mature virtue understands why something wrong might be attractive and still rejects it. Reading widely offers a comparatively safe way to develop that judgment. Suppressing every competing idea may therefore weaken the very goodness we hope to protect. Like an athlete who keeps a spotless uniform by never entering the race, sheltered virtue has yet to develop strength through the “dust and heat” of competition.

As an educator and a Christian, I find that challenging.

We have a responsibility to guide. Age and maturity matter. Teaching children requires judgment about what they are prepared to encounter. But preparing them for adulthood must eventually include helping them examine arguments we believe are wrong.

At some point, they will encounter those arguments without us.

Will they know how to think through them? Will they understand what they believe and why? Will they have the confidence to listen carefully without assuming that listening amounts to surrender?

I want a faith that can withstand a difficult question. That requires more of me than arranging a life in which difficult questions never get asked.

With war continuing in Ukraine and fires and chaos in Europe, Milton’s argument deserves another hearing. Fear makes control attractive. When the stakes seem enormous, allowing people to speak freely can begin to look like a luxury we cannot afford.

But those are precisely the circumstances in which I want us to examine our reasoning most carefully.

Who decides which opinions are too dangerous to hear? How do we correct the people making those decisions? And would we trust the same machinery in the hands of our opponents?

That brings me to Elon Musk and X.

I wonder where our public conversation would be had Musk not acquired Twitter in 2022. I cannot prove what would have happened otherwise. It is a question, not a conclusion. But the question matters to me because so much public discussion now passes through platforms controlled by a relatively small number of people and companies.

Musk himself is a contentious figure. Readers will bring sharply different judgments about him to this paragraph. Still, my support for freedom of expression cannot depend on liking the person who owns a platform. The principle has to apply to his critics as well.

If I welcome room for opinions that were previously unwelcome, I must also defend room for people who criticize Musk, challenge my politics, or question convictions I hold dearly. Otherwise, I have simply found a gatekeeper whose preferences happen to resemble mine.

A privately owned platform is different from Parliament licensing a printing press. The comparison has limits. Yet the concentration of power over public discussion should concern us wherever we find it.

We should also remember that permission to speak does not establish the truth of what is spoken. A false claim remains false. We still have to investigate, answer, correct, and sometimes say firmly, “That is wrong.”

Free discussion asks something demanding of its participants.

Milton himself did not apply toleration consistently. His argument excluded Roman Catholicism from the freedom he defended for others. That limitation belongs in our reading of him. A man can recognize the danger of suppression and still make an exception for the beliefs he fears most.

Perhaps that is where the circle becomes most visible.

Each generation discovers compelling reasons why its own exceptions are necessary. Each is tempted to believe that power will be safe this time because the right people possess it.

I cannot know how Milton would vote, which platform he would use, or what he would make of our daily controversies. I suspect he would frustrate anyone trying to recruit him as a reliable spokesman.

But his essay gives me a question to carry into my own affairs:

Am I willing to defend another person’s freedom to make an argument I sincerely wish nobody would believe?

I can answer it confidently in the abstract. The test comes when I recognize the person, dislike the argument, and have the power to make it disappear.

I went looking for a little poetry and found an uncomfortable examination of my own consistency.

I think I’ll camp here a while.

By the way- my time with Milton pushed out a strange little tune.... the word be invented....

PANDEMONIUM

Milton coined “pandemonium”! He introduced it as “Pandæmonium” in Paradise Lost (1667), naming the palace in Hell where Satan and the fallen angels assemble. The name combines roots meaning “all” and “demons”—essentially, the place of all demons. 

It later became our everyday word for wild uproar, confusion, or chaos. So when we say “pandemonium broke out,” we’re borrowing from Milton’s capital of Hell! 

You can read Milton’s work here:  Areopagitica 


To write the life of John Milton is thus to survey a century of unprecedented religious, political, social and cultural struggles, and to consider a writer enmeshed in, and fascinated by, those conflicts. Milton’s genius lies in the extraordinary power and beauty with which he wrote from within this turmoil, and indeed wrote out of his own personal struggles – which include his blindness, endured in an unforgiving, pre-industrial society. Throughout his life, he used his astounding learning to articulate and explore with passion and eloquence the great questions that troubled him and his contemporaries: What constitutes human liberty and how can it best be supported? What is the nature of good government and how can it be sustained? How can we understand the divine – and each other? How can we find the strength to bear suffering and death? In reading Milton, therefore, we not only journey to a troubled and exhilarating past, but are challenged, as Milton challenged his readers in his own century, to consider those questions, and to provide some answers of our own.

Beer, Anna. Milton: Poet, Pamphleteer, and Patriot (pp. 8-9). Bloomsbury Publishing. Kindle Edition. 

Monday, October 26, 2026

Behind the Song: Wrecked

This song is LIVE in prep for the song "Grace Alone" on Friday. It will create some head scratching- but hear it out all the way.....

Song Link: WRECKED

“Wrecked” starts under neon lights, with bourbon, smoke, and people laughing at the same old jokes. It sounds like the beginning of a familiar bar room song.

But then the song turns toward a different kind of intoxication:

Mine never came from a bottle on a shelf;
I got drunk on trying to figure out life itself.

That is where the song gets personal.

I know the temptation to believe that if I can just understand something well enough, I can finally make peace with it. Read another book. Work through another argument. Find the missing piece that makes the suffering understandable, the disappointment bearable, the unanswered prayer make sense.

There is nothing wrong with asking questions. I have spent a good portion of my life asking them, and I’m still asking.

But I can turn the search for understanding into a demand: I need an explanation before I will trust You.

And that is a heavy condition to put on faith.

The bottle can numb you for a little while,
Reason can keep you awake all night.
One hides the pain, one chases the “why”…
Neither can carry the weight of this life.

We have different ways of trying to carry that weight. Some are easy to recognize. Others can look respectable—even admirable. Being informed. Being productive. Being the person who always has an answer.

I can recognize someone else’s escape while giving mine a better name.

That is part of what I wanted to explore in “Wrecked.”

When the chorus says, “We’re all just wrecked the same,” I don’t mean that every wound is identical or that every choice carries the same consequences. Some things happen to us. Some things happen because of us. Often, we are living with both.

Being wounded is not the same as being guilty. But none of us gets through life needing only sympathy and never forgiveness.

Romans brings that truth home. “None is righteous, no, not one” (3:10). And then, in Romans 3:23: “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”

All includes me.

That admission takes away the comfortable distance between the person telling the story and the people standing under those neon lights. I need the mercy I hope they find.

Dr. Ray Ortlund, Jr., offers a warning that presses into this song:

“Every time you hear the Word of God preached, you come away from that exposure to the truth either a little closer to God or a little further away from Him, either more softened toward God or more hardened toward God…. What you need is more grace. Nothing else can save you from your deadness. Therefore, fear your own hardness of heart more than anything else. Beware of rigidity, ingratitude, a demanding spirit. Beware of an unmelted heart that is never satisfied.”

That last description gets my attention.

A person can endure disappointment and become more tender toward others. A person can also become harder, more suspicious, more determined to make God explain Himself.

I recognize that struggle. There are times when I am so busy examining what God has allowed that I stop receiving what He has given.

Even hearing the truth can become another occasion to defend myself.

What I need then is grace reaching into the very heart that keeps resisting it.

That is why “Wrecked” belongs before “Grace Alone,” which releases this Friday.

I wanted this song to leave us ready to hear the good news. The recognition of our need doesn’t earn us anything. We don’t become deserving by being sufficiently miserable. But when we stop insisting that we can repair ourselves, we begin to understand why grace is such a beautiful word.

The final chorus starts moving in that direction:

Grace doesn’t ask for perfect;
It only asks what’s true.

For me, that is the moment the excuses begin to fall away. I can tell the truth about the sin, the hurt, the pride, and the questions I still cannot answer. I can come to Christ with all of it.

His love has substance: a cross, a Savior bearing our sin, an empty tomb. My hope rests in what He has done, even when my understanding runs out.

“Wrecked” closes with a simple confession:

The bottle never healed me…
Love did.

I still have questions. I still carry things I wish had happened differently.

But I don’t have to solve every mystery before I can trust the One who loves me.

“Wrecked” is my admission of need.

On Friday, “Grace Alone” follows.

Wednesday, October 21, 2026

Behind the Song: We All Alibi

This song is live now- "New Music Friday" on Spotify

We All Alibi

I can usually explain why I did something.

Give me a few minutes, and I can supply the background, clarify my intentions, describe the pressure I was under, and help you understand why things weren’t quite what they appeared to be.

In my younger days I thought it was clever but looking back, many times, it was just pure manipulation... and demonstrated the truth that I really didn't trust God- I was always in charge of protecting myself.

And so over the years I have been in situations where either through interviewing students for discipline cases and trying to be a peacemaker in conflict situations.

I even remember the famous line from the Dr House series: "All people lie"

Those themes and memories is where  “We All Alibi” began.

We all know the famous words from Jesus: “The truth will set you free.” I kept thinking about how much effort we put into avoiding the very thing that promises freedom. We justify, rationalize, soften the language, and rearrange the facts until we can live with the version we’ve created.

Sometimes we even believe it.

The title turns alibi into something we do. We all build a case. We all have a story ready when the finger turns our way.

There's always more to my story
When the guilty one is here

There really may be more to the story. Circumstances matter. Motives matter. People deserve a fair hearing. But I have to ask why I’m so willing to consider those things for myself and so reluctant to consider them for somebody else.

The second verse puts that habit into everyday language- I wanted the lyrics to show juxtaposition:

Your anger is a bitter heart
Mine is righteous indignation
Your silence is a punishment
Mine is self-preservation

I recognize those distinctions because I’ve made them. I know what it feels like to give my behavior a respectable name while assigning somebody else the worst possible motive.

And once I start doing that, an honest conversation becomes difficult. I’m already defending a verdict.

This is an old human problem. In the garden, Adam points toward Eve—and even toward the God who gave her to him. Abraham conceals the truth about Sarah because he is afraid of what might happen if he tells it. Moses offers objection after objection when God calls him to go.

Those stories involve different circumstances, but I recognize the fear running through them: What will happen to me if I stand here exposed? What might the truth cost?

I understand that fear. An explanation gives me something to stand behind.

The bridge carries that instinct into a courtroom:

When it's you, I'm the prosecutor
When it's me, I'm the defense
Your worst day becomes the evidence
Mine gets labeled circumstance

That may be the most revealing part of the song for me. I can remember the stones somebody threw at me with remarkable accuracy. The ones that departed from my own left hand tend to require a little more effort.

Writing those lines is easier than letting them examine me.

I could turn this whole song into a complaint about people who won’t take responsibility. I could think of names, recall conversations, and build another convincing case. But then I’d be doing exactly what the song describes.

Before I weigh somebody else’s explanation, I need to weigh my own words. Am I telling the truth? Am I leaving out the part that makes me look bad? Am I explaining what happened, or trying to make sure I escape responsibility for it?

When Jesus speaks about truth and freedom in John 8, He is speaking about something deeper than getting an uncomfortable admission off our chest. He speaks about slavery to sin and the freedom the Son gives. That matters to me because honesty exposes a need I cannot explain away.

I need forgiveness. I need grace.

And yet I can spend an astonishing amount of energy trying to establish that I didn’t really need either one in this particular situation.

That tension led to the ending:

Here I sit in chains
With the key to set me free
All I have to do
Is admit the truth about me

The key is an image of the admission I keep refusing to make. It costs me the story in which I was innocent all along.

I wanted the song to end with that struggle still unresolved. The singer recognizes the cell, understands what he is doing, and still holds tightly to his defense. I know that hesitation. Knowing I should tell the truth doesn’t mean I’m ready to say it out loud.

“We All Alibi” is a song I need to hear myself.

Especially when I’m certain somebody else needs to hear it.

It was me. I was wrong. Please forgive me.

I can write a whole song about those words. I still need to learn to say them.

I know the early Jayopsis Spotify playlist has been dark- but I am trying to build a worldview that hopefully will soon show more light. The worse the bad news is, the better the Good News will be!

Tuesday, October 20, 2026

Behind the Song: The Abyss

Update: As this post mentioned, there are a couple of different versions of this song that I have worked and re-worked. We dropped an earlier version - but not the final one (which I thought was a lot better).

Here is the link to the latest on Spotify: 

The Abyss

Last spring, I spent a good stretch with Friedrich Nietzsche. I read large portions of Thus Spoke Zarathustra, worked through On the Genealogy of Morals, returned to the Madman passage in The Gay Science, and made my way through most of Kaufmann’s book.

It put me in a rather strange mood, to be honest.

That wasn’t casual reading. It was more like stepping into a different mental world for a while.

I’ve asked myself why I picked him up in the first place. Curiosity? The desire to understand someone whose influence reaches so far? Or was there a little intellectual résumé-building mixed in? Probably some of all of that. I ought to be honest about my motives, especially when reading someone who made me question them.

There is no denying the man’s intellect. Even in translation, the depth and range of his thinking can be breathtaking. I followed the arguments, sat with the tension, and let him press on some fault lines.

I played in his sandbox for a bit.

What I experienced was more than an encounter with ideas. It felt like a test of what I actually believed. What holds when it is challenged? What have I thought through? What have I simply inherited, repeated, or absorbed?

For a while, that was energizing. Then it became clarifying. At some point, I realized I wasn’t moving toward agreement -  I was moving toward distinction.

A few things stayed with me. His suspicion of systems made me more attentive to the assumptions inside my own frameworks. I came away wanting to examine those assumptions more honestly, with a little less confidence in my ability to have everything neatly arranged.

I was also drawn to the willingness to ask a question that puts something at risk. There is a difference between asking a clever question and asking one whose answer might require something of you.

And throughout the reading, I found myself thinking about how easily we outsource our thinking—to teachers, movements, cultural trends, even art. Reading about his break with Wagner sharpened that question for me: What is shaping me, and have I actually examined its influence?

That concern reaches into the growing AI age, too. I want these tools to help us discover, inquire, and learn. I worry about letting them do so much of our thinking that we stop doing the work ourselves. There is a responsibility in learning that convenience cannot carry for us.

But the deepest clarification was about where I stand. For me, reality is ultimately personal. There is a Father to trust, a Savior to know, and grace I receive from Someone who knows me. That conviction became clearer during my time with Nietzsche.

Eventually, I knew I had read enough for now. I could respect his intellect, learn from the encounter, and recognize how far apart we remained.

Some thinkers sharpen you and unsettle you. You can be grateful for the visit without making their world your permanent residence.

It was time to close that chapter and move on. But one question followed me out of it: What am I becoming while I contend with the darkness?

His words stayed with me after I closed the books. In particular, I kept coming back to the warning in Beyond Good and Evil, aphorism 146:

“He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster. And if you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss also gazes into you.”

That warning gave “Staring into the Abyss” its central image. But the song’s story began before that season of reading, with a blog post and a line from The Dark Knight:

“You either die a hero, or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.”

When I first heard it, I thought it was a clever line. The older I get, the more it feels like a mirror.

I didn’t set out to become the villain. I just kept living.

You make decisions. Some are necessary. Some are mistaken. Some seem right at the time and look different years later. You disappoint people. People disappoint you. You gather wounds, learn to protect yourself, and discover that protection can become a habit.

Eventually, you begin to wonder what all of it is doing to you.

The original post was my attempt to put that uneasiness into words. It became a song. Then, after reading Nietzsche last spring, I went back and completely revised it—lyrically and musically.

The question felt closer now. I was thinking about the man I was becoming while trying to stand against the things I believed were wrong.

The first verse begins with the confidence of youth:

Bright-eyed, fearless, full of fire,
I thought I knew the man I'd be.
I knew the villains from the heroes,
And which one looked like me.

I remember that confidence. There is something beautiful about it, and something dangerous. It is easier to imagine ourselves as courageous and principled before those principles have been tested by disappointment, exhaustion, or the temptation to get even.

Then comes the discovery that changes the song:

I went looking for the darkness—
Found some of it in me.

That is a difficult confession. It is also one I cannot afford to avoid.

There is real evil in the world. There are things we ought to resist, people we ought to protect, and moments when silence is a failure of love. But standing for a good cause does not make every impulse in me good. I can be right about an injustice and wrong in the way I treat someone. I can defend the truth and enjoy humiliating the person who disagrees.

I can win an argument and carry its bitterness home.

That is how Nietzsche’s warning reaches me. The battle can begin shaping the person fighting it. Eventually, the anger feels necessary. The armor feels like part of my skin.

Some of the most uncomfortable lines in the revised song are in the second verse:

I learned suspicion dressed as wisdom,
Learned to keep my mercy small.
Built my walls and called them boundaries,
Till I couldn't feel at all.

Experience should teach us discernment. Healthy boundaries matter. But I have to ask whether every wall I build is serving a healthy purpose. Sometimes I am protecting a wound I have never surrendered. Sometimes “I know how people are” becomes my excuse for withholding kindness before anyone has had a chance to receive it.

I may see through illusions more quickly now. I also miss the comfort of having them.

And seeing clearly brings its own question:

But knowing everything that's broken
Doesn't tell you how to last.

You can recognize deception and still need help with your own heart. You can understand what went wrong and still have no idea how to forgive. Awareness alone cannot give me the tenderness I am losing.

This is where the song turns toward Jesus.

I am not suggesting that Nietzsche was pointing toward the Christian answer I find here. His warning becomes the starting point for my own examination, and that examination brings me back to Christ.

As the ugliness around me—and within me—becomes harder to ignore, Jesus becomes more radiant.

He endured betrayal, cruelty, injustice, abandonment, and death. He knew the evil He faced. He suffered it without becoming evil Himself.

Hebrews 4:15 speaks of a Savior who understands our weakness and was tempted, yet remained without sin. That matters to me more as I grow older. His purity endured suffering. His mercy survived rejection.

The bridge reaches for that wonder:

No bitterness upon His tongue,
No vengeance in His wounded hands.
He carried love into the grave
And walked back out again.

The resurrection gives the final chorus somewhere to go. The darkness has been faced, and death has been overcome.

There's a light the dark can't swallow,
There's a stone that's rolled away.

Easter feels increasingly necessary to me. I need forgiveness for what I have done. I need renewal in what I am becoming. I need a hope that can survive both the world’s brokenness and my own.

The grace of God feels like oxygen.

When the song says, “I don’t need to be the hero,” I hear relief from the burden of saving myself. I still have responsibilities. There are still battles worth fighting. But I can surrender the need to justify myself in every encounter, settle every score, and make my own strength sufficient.

I need the One who entered death and came back.

The song ends with a prayer:

So take the anger, take the armor,
Take the man I tried to be.
I went looking for a revolution—
Lord, begin it here in me.

That is where I wanted to leave it. I have plenty of opinions about what needs to change in the world. This song asks whether I am willing to let God change me.

I have lived long enough to recognize some of the villain in myself.

I have also lived long enough to know how much I need the Savior who never became one.

Lord, begin it here in me.

If you want to read more about my time with Nietzsche:

Where Do We Go When the Light Fades Away?

Is Art Lost?

Music Without Lyrics

Would Nietzsche Tweet?

Moving On From Nietz


Thursday, October 15, 2026

Best Band and Song You Never Heard Of

I thought the whole world would eventually know that song.

Song Link: You’ve Got Another Thing Coming

That is what I remember about hearing Hotel’s “You’ve Got Another Thing Coming.” It had the pace, the beat, the harmonies, and that voice. To my ears, everything was there. Surely it was only a matter of time before everybody else caught on.

Some did. But far fewer than I expected.

Hotel was a Birmingham band, and I heard them at Brother's Music Hall back when I was probably too young to be there. I saw some things I have never forgotten. But after all these years, the music is what stayed.

I loved that band. I loved the album. Even the artwork—the tile and architectural themes on the covers—became part of the experience for me. Those images still bring the music to mind. An album could do that in those days. You held it, studied it, played it again, and gradually the whole thing became attached to a season of your life.

“You’ve Got Another Thing Coming” was the song I kept coming back to.

Hotel had the musicians to deliver it. The familiar six-member lineup included Marc Phillips, Tommy Calton, Lee Bargeron, Mike Reid, George Creasman, and Michael Cadenhead. All six contributed vocals, and those harmonies were a defining part of their sound. They had spent years building a following around the Southeast before the national records came. 

Written by Phillips and Bargeron, “You’ve Got Another Thing Coming” appeared on their 1979 self-titled album. It entered the Billboard Hot 100 that July, climbed to No. 54 in August, and was gone after eight weeks. Hotel placed four singles on the Hot 100, but none reached the Top 40. 

I still find that hard to reconcile with what I hear.

Of course, that summer had no shortage of competition. Cheap Trick, the Cars, Supertramp, Little River Band, and ELO were all putting records into the same crowded musical world. Hotel got a hearing, but the larger breakthrough never came. 

I cannot tell you exactly why. I can tell you that the song has outlasted plenty of records that climbed higher.

Years later, I got Marc’s book and contacted him. We got to know each other a little, and in 2011 he spoke at a Briarwood chapel.

The students loved him.

That was a particular pleasure for me. Here was someone whose voice had been part of my younger years, now connecting with students through his own story. They were meeting Marc for themselves. I got to watch another group respond to a man I had admired for a long time.

His story had plenty of hard chapters. In his book, Pouring It Out on Me, he wrote about music, addiction, his battle with throat cancer, and his faith in Christ. There was a great deal of life behind the voice I remembered from those records. www.marcphillipsmusic.com

My last interaction with Marc was a few months before he got COVID.

He was singing at a restaurant in Brook Highland. Just Marc and a keyboard, playing to a small group. We chatted briefly during his break.

I did not know that would be our last conversation. It was simply good to see him and hear him again.

Marc died on January 21, 2021, after battling COVID-19. He was 66. 

When I think about him now, I have several memories to hold together: the band at Brother's Music Hall, the albums I loved, the man speaking to our students, and that last evening in Brook Highland.

And through all of them, I can still hear that song.

The title of this post makes a claim I obviously cannot prove. Some of you knew Hotel well. Some of you probably have your own candidate for the best band the world somehow missed.

But if you have never heard Hotel’s “You’ve Got Another Thing Coming,” give it a listen. I liked many of their other songs as well.

I have been waiting a long time for you to hear it. I think about those memories every time I drive down Lakeshore Drive in Homewood... now it is just a .... hotel. Ironic?

I published a song as a tribute to those memories on SoundCloud:

Brothers Music Hall 1979

Tuesday, October 13, 2026

Behind the Song: Flora-Bama

 

This song will release on Spotify on Dec. 4

Here it is on SoundCloud 


“Dad, you make people think too much. They just want a good song.”

My daughter may have supplied the most efficient music review I have received.

She had a point. I had a song with a groove people liked, Alabama imagery they enjoyed, and a title that seemed to require a little explanation before we could get to the music.

The song was called “Bama Gothic.” It is now called “Flora-Bama.”

How it traveled from one to the other still makes me laugh.

This actually began with an earlier song called “Southern Gothic,” my tribute to a literary world I have enjoyed: Flannery O’Connor, William Faulkner, Eudora Welty, and others who could make a Southern landscape feel beautiful, troubling, familiar, and strange all at once.

That world has weathered houses, family secrets, religious language, buried guilt, and people who cannot quite escape what came before them. There is often something funny in the middle of something disturbing. Grace can arrive where nobody thought to look for it.

I wanted to see what that world might sound like in a song.

“Southern Gothic” picked up about 1,500 listens. And for all the weight of its literary background, it was actually a fun song. The music had life in it. That encouraged me to begin building an album around Southern Gothic themes. - “Bama Gothic” came out of that work.

It had moss-draped limbs, an old church hall, a rusted bell, roses behind a door, and secrets creaking through a pineboard floor. The chorus landed in “a cursed, sacred land.” That was the territory I was trying to explore: a South where beauty and brokenness live close together, and the past keeps finding ways to speak.

Then we started getting ready to move the music to Spotify.

A friend suggested that I find a way out of the word “Gothic.” My small vetting team liked the music. They liked the imagery. They liked the Alabama references. But the title was getting in the way. The literary connection that seemed clear to me was not necessarily what other people heard in that word.

Then came my daughter’s observation. I laughed ...... but I listened.

I do like making people think. I also want them to enjoy the song. I love literature but most people don't and would not get the allusions tucked away inside. If the groove gets them through the door, perhaps the ideas can meet them somewhere inside.

My first attempt was “Bama Slamma.”

It sounded like the music: loud, energetic, a little reckless. But it did not sound like the lyrics. I still had buried guilt, a preacher’s lies, dark rivers, and judgment hiding somewhere. Putting “Bama Slamma” over that world did not quite solve the problem.

The answer arrived from an unexpected direction: James Spann’s hurricane coverage.

As the recent hurricane came through, he was showing scenes of the Flora-Bama, and they talked about the place at length. Watching that coverage, something clicked.

I could move the song south on the same groove.

The red clay could meet the rising tide. The old church hall could give way to salt-worn beams. The haunted rooms could become a bar full of people carrying their own memories. I could keep the Southern voices, the worn wood, the ache beneath the noise—and put them beside the Gulf.

Once that idea arrived, the lyric began to move.

Under salt-worn beams where the last call falls,
Old names fade on the bathroom walls.
A steel guitar cries out its blame,
Every old song knows your name.

There was the new setting. But something of the old song was still standing in it.

That mattered to me. I wanted a lively coastal song with people in it, people who had brought a little more to the beach than a cooler and a change of clothes.

A boy arrives with his daddy’s rage and finds a little peace beside the stage. Someone leaves their worries behind, only to discover they are still somewhere nearby. An old friend calls your name. The music starts, and the night makes room for all of them.

And yes, I kept some of my fun lines in it.

One line came out of a convenience store moment I had when a guy was buying a zyn pouch. I said to him, everyone has switched to those pouches and he laughed and said, "Copenhagen ain’t what it used to be."

Some lines survive a move because they sound like somebody you know. I can hear that one coming from a fellow leaning against a railing, offering an opinion nobody asked for.

The chorus found its new home:

At the Flora-Bama—where the night won’t fade,
White sand shores and the bets we’ve made.
Saints and sinners go hand in hand,
Southern drawls where the Gulf meets the sand.

Then came the real test: putting the new words on the track.

It worked.

The meter and rhythm settled into the music, and the song suddenly felt at home on the coast. I sat there laughing.

Somewhere along the way, I started feeling like the Duke and the King in Huckleberry Finn, putting together the Royal Nonesuch. I had traded buried guilt and Southern Gothic shadows for salt air, neon, and the Flora-Bama—and the thing worked. Twain might have appreciated the showmanship. Hopefully, our audience leaves happier.

[Editor’s Note, introducing the scene: Halfway through their trip down the river in The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, Huck and Jim fall in with a pair of low-grade con artists. One fancies himself a king and the other a duke. Slipping into a small town in Arkansas, the two decide to put on a Shakespeare play, which fails miserably. This leads them to take revenge on the town, as Huck tells us...]
Well, that night we had our show; but there warn’t only about twelve people there – just enough to pay expenses. And they laughed all the time, and that made the duke mad; and everybody left, anyway, before the show was over, but one boy which was asleep. So the duke said these Arkansaw lunkheads couldn’t come up to Shakespeare; what they wanted was low comedy – and maybe something ruther worse than low comedy, he reckoned. He said he could size their style. So next morning he got some big sheets of wrapping paper and some black paint, and drawed off some handbills, and stuck them up all over the village. The bills said:
AT THE COURT HOUSE!
FOR 3 NIGHTS ONLY!
The World-Renowned Tragedians
DAVID GARRICK THE YOUNGER!
AND
EDMUND KEAN THE ELDER!
Of the London and Continental Theatres,
In their Thrilling Tragedy of
THE KING’S CAMELEOPARD,
OR
THE ROYAL NONESUCH ! ! !
Admission 50 cents.
Then at the bottom was the biggest line of all, which said:
LADIES AND CHILDREN NOT ADMITTED.
“There,” says he, “if that line don’t fetch them, I don’t know Arkansaw!”

There is something funny about beginning with a tribute to Southern literature and ending up thinking about Twain’s traveling con men. I will leave the implications of that comparison alone for now.

But I like where the song landed.

The original still has its place. So do the writers who helped me imagine it. Their influence remains in the weathered surfaces, the complicated people, and the sense that an old song can know your name.

This version gives that world a little more room to dance.

My daughter may hear it and say, “See, Dad? That’s what I meant.”

She may be right.

For now, the band is playing, the salt air is moving through the screen door, and we are headed through a wild night toward the break of day.

Full Lyrics:

(Verse 1) Under salt-worn beams where the last call falls, Old names fade on the bathroom walls. A steel guitar cries out its blame, Every old song knows your name. A woman walks barefoot through the door, White sand grinds on a pineboard floor. Sunburned shoulders and bloodshot eyes— Where the red clay meets the rising tide. (Chorus) At the Flora-Bama—where the night won’t fade, White sand shores and the bets we’ve made. Saints and sinners go hand in hand, Southern drawls where the Gulf meets the sand. (Verse 2) A boy rolls in with his daddy’s rage, Finds a little peace by the edge of the stage. Smoke drifts out through the neon signs, Like prayers sent up at closing time. Whiskey breath on a salty breeze, Copenhagen ain’t what it used to be. Boots on the boards, footsteps upstairs— You left your worries, but they’re still somewhere. (Chorus) At the Flora-Bama—where the night won’t fade, White sand shores and the bets we’ve made. Saints and sinners go hand in hand, Southern drawls where the Gulf meets the sand. (Bridge) Sea oats bow where the fences lean, Names carved deep from a summer dream. Gulf rolls dark where the moon hangs low, Wash your feet but it won’t let go. Screen door swings and the night breathes in— You hear your name from an old lost friend. (Verse 3) A crowd runs wild in the heatwave haze, With too many plans and too few days. Peelin’ paint and a weepin’ moon, Somebody calls for another tune. Strings bend hard and the drummer turns, Every old flame gets a chance to burn. At the state line, callin’ out your name— Every heart beats with a different ache. (Chorus) At the Flora-Bama—where the night won’t fade, White sand shores and the bets we’ve made. Saints and sinners go hand in hand, Southern drawls where the Gulf meets the sand. (Outro) Carve it deep where the salt leaves marks, Old songs linger when the stage goes dark. At the Flora-Bama we find our way— Through a wild night to the break of day. At the Flora-Bama—where the night won’t fade, White sand shores and the bets we’ve made. Saints and sinners go hand in hand, Southern drawls where the Gulf meets the sand.

Friday, October 09, 2026

AI and the Responsibility of Stewardship


Back in February, I posted a few thoughts about artificial intelligence on Facebook. I found myself somewhere between the optimism of Star Trek and the anxiety of The Terminator.

I ended with a little apocalyptic humor: “No matter how smart it gets, we’d better be the ones holding the kill switch.” (Feb. 2 FB post)

The joke carried a serious concern. We are developing tools of extraordinary capability, and we need to retain responsibility for what we build and how we use it. A few months later, I am still thinking about that responsibility.

I understand the reluctance surrounding AI. Questions about jobs, creative ownership, privacy, infrastructure, and human control deserve a hearing. So do the concerns of parents and teachers trying to understand what these tools will do to children who are still learning to think.

I also understand the excitement. I have experienced some of it myself.

What troubles me is the possibility that people with serious moral convictions will conclude that their only faithful response is to leave the conversation. If good men and women surrender their place in the discussion, who will speak for the people whose dignity and well-being ought to govern it?

We need to remain engaged. And our engagement needs a purpose deeper than keeping up.

What stewardship requires

I have often said that technology is essentially neutral—raw potential waiting for human intention. I still believe that human intention matters enormously. A tool can help us serve a neighbor or exploit one.

But that statement needs qualification. Technology comes to us with choices already built into it. Let's not be naive about that..... Someone has decided what information it collects, what behavior it encourages, what success looks like, and who retains control. Responsibility begins before the user ever touches the keyboard.

Stewardship reaches across that whole process. It asks what we should build, how we should build it, who should benefit, and what limits we should accept.

It also requires us to hear objections fairly. A community questioning a data center may be asking reasonable questions about its resources and infrastructure. A musician concerned about the use of creative work may be defending something valuable. A teacher questioning an AI assignment may be protecting the learning that assignment was supposed to produce.

The International Energy Agency projects that global data-center electricity consumption will roughly double between 2025 and 2030. These tools have a physical footprint, and their costs belong in the conversation alongside their possibilities. www.iea.org

Calling every objection “fear of progress” would be a failure of stewardship.

So would using the word “inevitable” to end the discussion. AI may continue to develop, but that does not make every application, business practice, or classroom use inevitable. Human choices still matter. We must insist that they do.

History gives us questions

We have encountered disruptive changes before.

The printing press helped carry the Protestant Reformation through pamphlets and other printed works that reached audiences far beyond a single pulpit. It also carried competing religious campaigns and polemics. Expanding the reach of words did not settle which words deserved belief. 

Industrial machinery presents another complicated example. The Luddites are often remembered as people who simply hated technology. They were skilled workers protesting machinery used to replace their labor and drive down wages. Their grievances deserve more respect than the label usually receives. 

A development can increase production while imposing severe costs on particular people. We ought to remember those people when we speak enthusiastically about progress.

There are also examples of participation that included deliberate restraint. In the 1970s, researchers working with recombinant DNA confronted risks arising from their own discoveries. A voluntary pause in certain experiments, the 1975 Asilomar conference, and subsequent NIH guidelines helped establish conditions under which the work could proceed. (see note at the end about this conference)

That example matters to me. People involved in developing a technology accepted responsibility for questioning and limiting it.

History cannot promise that AI will turn out well. It can help us recognize that curiosity, criticism, caution, and responsible development all have a place in the discussion. Staying involved sometimes means insisting that a particular project slow down—or stop.

The Princeton Response

There is a related lesson in the Christian response to Darwin.

When On the Origin of Species appeared in 1859, Christian responses varied. Some opposed it, some sought ways to accommodate its findings, and some supported it. The familiar picture of a single confrontation between “science” and “the church” leaves out a much more complicated conversation. 

Charles Hodge, the Princeton theologian, published What Is Darwinism? in 1874. He examined the arguments and distinguished evolution and natural selection from what he understood as the exclusion of divine design. That last issue stood at the center of his objection. I remember the 1st time I read Hodge's response- it was full of retrained respect and logical analysis- we miss that so much in our drama filled bantering today!

Asa Gray, a devout Presbyterian and botanist, reached a different judgment. He engaged extensively with Darwin and argued that natural selection need not exclude divine purpose. 

I am not trying to reopen that entire debate here. What interests me is the willingness to understand the argument, identify the assumptions, and bring Christian conviction into a serious exchange.

Hodge and Gray did not agree. Both participated.

That is a useful reminder for us. Faithful engagement will not produce identical conclusions. It should produce better questions, more careful distinctions, and disagreements that address what someone actually believes.

We need that discipline when discussing AI. A demonstration of what a system can accomplish is one thing. A claim about what that accomplishment means for human identity, moral responsibility, or the future of civilization requires further examination.

We should understand the capabilities and examine the promises being attached to them.

Babel and the Garden

The biblical framework that keeps returning to me is the relationship between Babel and the creation mandate.

In Genesis 1, humanity receives the command to fill the earth and subdue it. Genesis 2 places the man in the garden to work it and keep it. Human beings have work to do in God’s world: cultivating, discovering, ordering, and caring for what has been entrusted to them.

That responsibility gives me reason to welcome discovery. It also places discovery under an authority greater than our appetite for achievement.

Genesis 11 gives us another picture. The builders of Babel are organized, cooperative, and technically capable. They know how to make bricks and construct something impressive. Their stated ambitions include making a name for themselves and avoiding being scattered.

Read alongside the command to fill the earth, their project raises questions about self-exaltation, control, and resistance to God.

Those questions reach into our own ambitions. We can build something remarkable and still build in the wrong direction.

The creation mandate does not give blanket approval to everything we can invent. It gives us responsibility before God for what we do with His creation.

That is why purpose and limits matter. Does this use of AI help people flourish? Does it serve the vulnerable? Does it preserve accountability? Are we cultivating what has been entrusted to us, or seeking a kind of security and significance that leaves no room for dependence on God?

Those questions apply to the companies developing AI. They apply to me when I use it.

My own experiment

I cannot discuss this subject as a detached observer. I have used AI in making music, improved research into many topics, editing and discussion of ideas and I have enjoyed the process of bringing lyrics and musical ideas into something people can hear. If anything, I do it for me- healthy messages make a more healthy disposition. And I can't find new music that has a lot of good messaging.

That enjoyment gives me a stake in the argument. I need to acknowledge it. I should be willing to examine a practice even when it helps me do something I love.

The responses have been interesting. So far, I have experienced a warmer reception on SoundCloud than on Spotify. I have wondered whether differences in the audiences contribute to that response, but it is too early for me to draw a conclusion. Discovery, genre, audience size, and many other factors could be involved. And I have to affirm that I understand REAL musicians distaste for it- but I do firmly believe I am creating things that would not exist without my initiation and work- but I digress....

What I can say is that the experience has made the questions personal.

What is the listener seeking? Some people are moved primarily by what they hear. Others place considerable value on knowing that a person physically performed the music. Both deserve honesty about the process.

I need to respect other creators, describe my own contribution truthfully, and remain open to criticism. Making something meaningful to me does not settle every question about the tools that helped me make it.

That willingness to examine my own enthusiasm is part of the stewardship I am asking others to practice.

How do we know? My drum beat for an updated "Epistemology"

As an educator, I think one of our most urgent responsibilities is to teach students how to judge what deserves their trust.

I have written about epistemology—the study of knowledge and justified belief—for years. I have also found it difficult to generate much interest in the subject. (here is the start of a series here- Epistemology series intro )

Perhaps the word sounds too academic. The problem is immediate. 

A student encounters an answer that is polished, confident, and apparently well supported. What should the student do next?

AI gives fresh urgency to questions education has always needed to address. What is being claimed? Where did the information originate? Does the evidence support the conclusion? What is fact, what is interpretation, and what remains uncertain?

In my earlier writing, I called for these habits to be woven throughout education, along with metacognition: examining our own thinking. We need to investigate the information in front of us and the reasons we find it convincing. www.jayopsis.com

Am I accepting this because the evidence is strong? Does it agree with something I already want to believe? Have I mistaken confidence for competence? What would lead me to change my mind?

An updated application of epistemology should make those questions practical.

In history, students can trace a claim to its source and consider its context. In science, they can distinguish observations from proposed explanations. In literature, they can defend an interpretation with evidence from the text. In a Christian school, they can learn to examine theological claims carefully and read Scripture in context.

These habits require subject knowledge. Students need enough understanding to recognize when an answer is questionable. Reading, writing, calculation, memory, and sustained attention give them resources with which to assess what a tool produces.

We should protect the effort that develops those abilities.

A student might use AI to explore a question and then verify its claims, identify omissions, and defend a revised conclusion. The teacher can assess the reasoning and correction alongside the finished answer.

The educational goal is a person capable of responsible judgment.

Teaching students to operate a powerful tool while neglecting that judgment would leave some of our most important work unfinished.

Remaining responsible

My Facebook joke about the kill switch still expresses something I believe: human beings must retain meaningful authority over the systems they create.

But I also recognize the limitation of the image. A complex technology spread across many institutions will not necessarily have one accessible plug. We need responsibility built into its development and use long before an emergency arrives.

Someone must remain accountable for a decision. Someone must be able to hear an appeal, investigate a failure, correct an error, and stop a harmful practice. “The AI recommended it” cannot be the end of the explanation.

There must also be room for conscientious refusal. A person who declines a particular tool may have reasons we need to hear. Staying in the fray can include principled opposition. I am asking us to remain responsible participants in the conversation, willing to understand and willing to challenge.

I do not know how this technological transition will unfold. Its pace makes prediction difficult, and uncertainty should make us humble.

I do know that greater capability brings greater responsibility.

We need good men and women who will learn enough to ask informed questions, speak for those bearing the costs, protect the development of human judgment, and insist on limits when limits are needed.

As Christians, we can approach that work with hope rooted in God, with an honest understanding of human fallenness, and with care for the neighbors our choices affect.

We have a garden to tend. We also have a tendency to build towers for our own glory.

May God give us the wisdom to examine what we are building, the courage to remain involved, and the humility to receive correction along the way.

End Note: The 1975 Asilomar conference leaves a question that technical safeguards cannot answer by themselves: Who should help decide what risks are acceptable, and who bears those risks?

For AI, that would mean bringing educators, artists, workers, families, and other affected communities into the conversation alongside developers. A laboratory containment plan has a relatively concrete purpose; deciding how AI should influence learning, livelihoods, creativity, and trust requires a broader moral conversation.

Wednesday, October 07, 2026

The Knights Templar: A Cautionary Tale

I first became interested in the Knights Templar while watching the History Channel’s The Curse of Oak Island. I watched diligently for seven or eight seasons before finally realizing that the actual curse of the island was the show.

For the last three or four seasons of my viewing, I had another reason to tune in. A group on X called the “Oak Island Cursers” supplied a running commentary that was absolutely hilarious. Watching the episode and reading their snarky observations became its own form of entertainment. Another piece of wood. Another suggestive rock. Another discovery requiring a meeting in the War Room.

It was a riot.

Eventually, even that drifted away. But something the show introduced stayed with me. I started reading more about the Knights Templar, and their actual history became more compelling than the treasure theories.

There was courage in it. Faith. Discipline. Wealth. Political maneuvering. Betrayal.

And there was a cautionary tale that eventually became a song:

  Every Holy War Ends This Way

The Templars emerged around 1119 to protect Christian pilgrims traveling in the Holy Land. They combined religious vows with military service, and the church formally recognized their order in 1129. Their identity joined two demanding callings: the discipline of the monk and the responsibility of the soldier.

That is where the song begins:

Under the Cross, they rode with vows,
To guard the path through scorched lands and towns.

I wanted the opening to allow some admiration. It is easy, centuries later, to reduce people to the final verdict we have formed about them. But these were men who endured hardship, faced danger, and buried their brothers. Whatever else we say about the Crusades or the world they inhabited, their sacrifices deserve to be taken seriously.

The first verse moves through armor, swords, sand, and stone before arriving at the graves:

Of brothers lost beneath the sand,
With hope and purpose took their stand.

That phrase—hope and purpose—matters to me. A warning about compromised devotion has more weight when we acknowledge that devotion can begin sincerely. People give themselves to something they believe is worthy. They accept a cost. They make promises.

Then time tests what those promises actually mean.

The chorus brings that change into view:

What begins with fire can falter and fall,
The knight’s sworn vow is a name on the wall.
Rust on the armor, blood in the clay,
Every holy war ends this way.

The shining armor of the opening has already begun to rust. The men who rode with purpose have become names in a memorial. Their convictions may have felt permanent, but their bodies were mortal, and the institutions they built were vulnerable.

There is something sobering about putting rust and blood together. One suggests the slow work of time; the other reminds us of the immediate cost paid by human beings. Both remain after the speeches are finished.

As the Templars grew, they developed a network of lands, fortifications, and financial services. They held deposits, transferred funds, and served powerful patrons. An order whose members took vows of poverty became an institution with considerable economic influence.

Verse two compresses that expansion into the language of a song:

They built the banks, the towers tall,
And cities rose at their beck and call.

The cities line is poetic enlargement. I am reaching for the feeling of an institution discovering how much it can command. The verse moves from guarding a path to holding keys and claiming prizes.

Then comes the danger:

But silvered coins can darken souls,
And dreams of power exact their toll.

Money can support a mission. Influence can make good work possible. The difficulty is recognizing when those things begin to govern the mission they were supposed to serve.

An institution can continue using its founding language long after its priorities have shifted. The vows remain in the story. The symbols remain on the walls. But preserving position can gradually become more urgent than honoring purpose.

That is the warning in the second verse. It also requires some historical care. The Templars’ destruction cannot simply be explained as corrupt men receiving their deserved punishment.

In 1307, Philip IV of France ordered their arrest. Charges of heresy followed, supported by confessions extracted through torture or its threat. Their prosecution was deeply entangled with royal power and the struggle with the papacy. Clement V suppressed the order in 1312; its last grand master, Jacques de Molay, was burned at the stake in 1314.

The bridge carries that betrayal:

Once sworn as brothers, now betrayed
By hands once clasped in prayer—and blade.

To me, that is the most troubling image in the song.

Hands can pray. Hands can wield a weapon. The same outward language of faith can accompany courage, ambition, loyalty, or cruelty. A religious gesture does not settle the question of what a person is doing—or why.

The Templars had fought in the name of defending Christianity. The campaign against them also claimed to defend the faith. Looking at that history, I have to ask how readily human beings enlist God’s name in struggles for control.

Then verse three turns the question toward us:

For every soul that dares to rise
Must guard the light or compromise.

The song has moved beyond the medieval knights. The listener now (and all of us) has something to examine.

I believe there are things worth defending. As a teacher, coach, and administrator, I have spent much of my life asking people to commit themselves to something larger than their immediate comfort. Conviction matters. Courage matters. There are moments when remaining quiet is a failure of responsibility.

But I also know the satisfaction of being right, and I know how easily that satisfaction can crowd out patience.

I can become more interested in delivering the winning response than understanding the person in front of me. I can excuse behavior from people I support that I would immediately condemn in their opponents. I can let protecting a reputation become more important than telling the truth.

Those are compromises worth noticing while they still seem small.

The title uses the word every, and that is a strong word. I hear it as a warning sounded with the force of a chorus. Human beings should be cautious about declaring their own campaigns holy. Once we believe our cause places us beyond correction, we have given ourselves a frightening amount of permission.

My Christian faith requires me to examine both my convictions and the manner in which I carry them. Jesus told Peter to put away his sword. Paul reminded believers that their struggle was not against flesh and blood. James described wisdom from above as gentle, peaceable, open to reason, and full of mercy (Matthew 26:52; Ephesians 6:12; James 3:17).

I need those words when I am angry. Especially when I am certain my anger is justified.

Can I stand firmly and still listen? Can I acknowledge wrongdoing among my allies? Can I accept correction without treating it as betrayal? Can I remember that the person who disagrees with me also needs the grace I depend upon?

Guarding the light involves that kind of daily attention.

The outro leaves us with a charge:

For every soul that fights for right,
Beware the shadows that dim the light.

I like that the song ends with beware. It asks us to stay awake to what can happen inside a worthy effort—and inside ourselves.

God’s sovereignty gives me room to act faithfully without believing I must control every outcome. I can speak, teach, make difficult decisions, and accept responsibility. I can pray over what I do not understand. And I can leave the final judgment with Someone whose knowledge and righteousness are greater than mine.

I started watching Oak Island hoping somebody would discover what was buried in the ground.

The Templar story left me examining what can take root in a human heart.

That is what I hope the song teaches us: to take our vows seriously, to examine what power is doing to us, and to keep seeking the grace that makes faithfulness possible.

We still have to guard the light...... in love.

One last thought:

The Knights began by protecting people. At some point it became protecting property.

There is an eternal difference between the two......

Tuesday, October 06, 2026

Nets to Catch the Wind

This morning I read a short poem by John Webster, “All the Flowers of the Spring.” It occupies a little space on page 79 of an anthology containing 551 pages of poetry. I wonder how often that book gets opened, or how many readers pause over his contribution before moving on.

But I paused. The poem made me smile, made me think, and sent me looking for more about the man who wrote it.

Webster begins with flowers gathering to perfume our burial. Spring is there, with all its beauty and promise, but even the flowers have only their allotted season. So do we. By the end, he has turned his attention to kings who hope their trophies will leave a living name behind. His final image is the one that stayed with me: “And weave but nets to catch the wind.”

There is a lot of work in weaving a net. I picture the patient handling of the threads, the attention to each connection, the confidence that eventually this thing you are making will hold something. Webster seems to understand the effort we put into securing a name for ourselves. We build, accumulate, accomplish, and hope some of it will keep us from disappearing.

Then the wind passes through.

Someone might point out that Webster himself has been remembered for four centuries. Here I am, after all, reading his words and writing his name. But how well known is he? A poem on page 79 of a thick anthology that relatively few people may read is a modest version of immortality. His words have survived, though I wonder whether survival looks anything like what an ambitious writer might imagine.

And then another thought occurred to me: so what?

His poem spoke to me this morning. I enjoyed it. It awakened something in my mind that might otherwise have gone unexamined. Why should that encounter need a larger audience to justify it? I cannot see that its value to me would have increased if a million other people had read it over breakfast.

I remember Coach Bryant saying, in effect, before the Iron Bowl that there were a billion people in China who had never heard of Alabama or Auburn. In a state where that game could seem to determine the emotional condition of an entire year, it was a useful reminder. The world was considerably larger than the thing occupying every inch of our attention.

I think that helped us understand how easily we make something into a bigger deal than it is. You could still prepare, compete, and care deeply about the outcome while remembering that most of humanity would go right on with its day.

I need that perspective in other parts of life, too. When I write something, teach something, or release a song, I naturally hope it reaches people. There is pleasure in knowing that work has found an audience, and disappointment when it seems to pass unnoticed. But I can let the question of how many people noticed consume the pleasure that led me to do the work in the first place. Somewhere along the way, a good experience becomes a referendum on my significance.

Webster gave me a little distance from that this morning.

I do not know how many people will read these words, or how long anything I make will remain of interest. I do know the pleasure of finding a thought expressed well, of sharing something with a student, of hearing from someone who connected with a song. Those moments are available to me now, even while the larger question of what will endure remains unanswered.

On page 79, a man I knew very little about gave me one of those moments. I closed the book with more stirring in my mind than when I opened it.

That seems like a good morning’s work for both of us.

Monday, October 05, 2026

Behind the Song: “Measured”

Song is live now on Spotify: Measured

There are poems you read, appreciate, and leave behind, and there are poems that seem to keep an appointment with you. You return to them years later and discover that a line you once admired has become a little more personal than you intended. T.S. Eliot’s The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock has been that kind of poem for me. Somewhere along the way, the man wandering through those streets became someone I recognized.

“Measured,” which comes out this Friday, has a long history in that recognition. The coffee-cup imagery reaches back to my own writing in the early 1980s, and I returned to Eliot in a 2022 post about the English poets. There have also been earlier musical versions of this idea. Apparently, I have been trying to finish this cup of coffee for a very long time.

The line that keeps bringing me back is familiar:

I have measured out my life with coffee spoons.

It is such an ordinary object to carry such a devastating thought. A coffee spoon belongs to the small rituals of a day, something you reach for without thinking. Yet Eliot makes it an instrument for taking inventory of an entire life. You can almost hear the spoon touching the cup while another morning passes.

I love the image, though I don’t think the ordinary routines themselves are the problem. Some of the best things in life happen over coffee. What unsettles me is the possibility of moving through those routines half awake, always preparing for a life I keep postponing. The calendar fills up, the years acquire names and dates, and somehow the thing I meant to say remains unsaid.

Prufrock is painfully aware of himself. He imagines how other people see him and rehearses their judgments before they have a chance to make them. Even a small act begins to feel like an appearance before a jury. I find humor in him, but the humor gets uncomfortable when I recognize how much energy a person can spend managing the possibility of embarrassment.

That became one of the central concerns of “Measured”:

I measured my life with empty days, cocktails, and fear,
Held my breath, played it safe, and the years disappeared.

The fear is the part that troubles me most. We usually recognize the danger of doing something foolish. We are less likely to notice what it costs to keep waiting until we feel completely safe. Caution can sound remarkably wise, especially when I am the one explaining it. There is always a reason to wait, another detail to consider, a better moment that ought to arrive eventually.

Meanwhile, time continues without asking whether I am ready.

The song also moves into the language of Ecclesiastes: vanity, toil, life under the sun, chasing the wind. Those images belong naturally beside Prufrock’s coffee spoons. Both bring me to the uncomfortable business of asking what all this activity amounts to, and whether I can actually hold on to anything I have spent so much effort pursuing.

I wanted that feeling to inhabit the verses. 'Dust in a beam of light', 'roses wilting in a glass', 'perfume fading from a room'—each carries the trace of something beautiful that cannot be made to stay. Even the wrinkles in the mirror become a kind of record. The narrator looks at his face and begins reading it for opportunities he believes he has lost.

That is his perspective, and it is a severe one. I don’t believe every wrinkle represents a failure, any more than I believe every quiet day is empty. But regret has a way of becoming an unfair historian. It remembers the unopened door and forgets the good that happened in the room where we stayed. I wanted the song to let that voice speak honestly, even where I would want to question its accounting.

The bridge brings the pressure into focus:

The weight of others’ eyes, each step a tighter coil,
Chasing after wisdom, finding only toil.

There is something exhausting about trying to live while continually watching yourself live. Words get examined until they cannot be spoken. Decisions get revised until the opportunity has passed. Eventually, the narrator reaches the phrase “the sum of my fear,” and the title takes on its fullest meaning. Fear has become the unit by which he measures everything.

I recognize that possibility in myself, but I don’t want to give it the authority to explain my whole life. My Christian faith gives me reason to believe that even the days I cannot make sense of are held by God. I can acknowledge wasted opportunities without assuming that I know the final value of every hour. There is grace for an imperfect life, including the parts I keep returning to with a red pen.

Still, I let the song end with Eliot. The coffee spoons remain on the table, and the listener has to sit with them for a moment. I didn’t want to hurry past the ache that brought me to the song in the first place.

After all these years, Prufrock still gets my attention. I hope “Measured” carries some of that discomfort into a melody—enough to make me consider the conversation I am putting off, the kindness I could offer, or the work I keep waiting to begin.

Friday brings another song into the world. For me, it also brings an old question back to the kitchen table: what am I doing with the time still in my cup?

BTW- as earlier version of this song was the 1st on my SoundCloud catalog to get a larger audience. To date- all versions of this song have over 3,000 listens.

Monday, September 28, 2026

Thoughts on "Absence of Malice" (part 3 of 3)

 

I ended my last reflection with an uncomfortable thought. A person can act without malice and still cause great harm. A person can possess integrity, stand courageously on principle, remain consistent with everything he believes and still be wrong. If both of those things are true, then there is another question that eventually has to be asked.

How much confidence should I really have in my own judgment? (important note: that is why big decisions need to happen in a healthy group- husband/wife- an Executive team- a coaching staff- young people with parents- but the group dynamic has to be set up with an understanding that pushback is encouraged and then once a decision is made, it is a unified group to support it)

That question has become more difficult the longer I have lived and especially the longer I have been in positions that require decisions affecting other people. Experience is supposed to produce wisdom, and I believe it often does. You recognize patterns more quickly. You have seen decisions succeed and fail. You have accumulated enough scars to know that some problems are not nearly as simple as they first appear.

But experience can produce something else as well. It can produce confidence, and confidence can quietly become certainty.

The phrase that started these reflections was absence of malice, after watching the old Paul Newman movie by that name. Initially I was interested in the fairly obvious distinction between intention and consequence. We can cause harm we never intended. But the more I have thought about the phrase, the more difficult even the claim of good intention becomes.

How exactly do I establish an absence of malice?

The law has to make judgments about intent, of course. We distinguish an accident from negligence, negligence from recklessness, and reckless behavior from something deliberately done. Those distinctions matter enormously. But a courtroom never actually sees the human heart. It considers evidence, listens to testimony, examines conduct and circumstances, and from those things reaches a conclusion about intention.

In ordinary life we do much the same thing with one another.

The uncomfortable difference is that when I judge myself, I tend to assume that I have access to better evidence. I know what I intended - Or at least I think I do.

One of the more sobering lessons of age is discovering how capable human beings are of assigning noble names to complicated motives. Pride can coexist with principle. Resentment can find a home inside a legitimate concern for justice. Fear can influence what we call prudence. Self-preservation can mingle with responsibility. Loyalty can distort judgment while still feeling exactly like loyalty.

I don't say that cynically. I don't believe every good deed conceals some darker motive or that every principled person is secretly acting from self-interest. There are people of extraordinary integrity who make genuinely sacrificial decisions at considerable personal cost.

I simply no longer believe that sincerity gives us perfect access to ourselves. And this is going to sound cruel and judgemental :  

I have known some people in my life whose very DNA is "Integrity"- to give voice to even a little bit of "compromise"... they would rather you cut off their hand. But in reality, I personally don't believe that world exists... it isn't ever that clean... in my opinion.

There are situations you can be so right, you are actually "Dead right" that you kill people with "truth".

That brings me back to something I wrote about some time ago in Invidious. Long-term leadership creates its own peculiar environment for judgment because history accumulates. Relationships, disappointments, loyalties, previous conflicts, institutional memory and personal investment become intertwined with present decisions. You try to separate them. Good leaders have structures and trusted people around them precisely to help identify what they may not be seeing. But no leader ever becomes a completely disinterested observer standing outside the story.

We are always somewhere inside it- again- that is why the wrestling matters.

I found myself thinking about this again through Captain Vere in Billy Budd. Whatever judgment we ultimately make about Vere's decision, Melville does not give us a man casually dispensing justice. Vere understands the gravity of what is before him. He knows Billy. He knows the law. He knows the circumstances aboard the ship. He understands that his decision will have consequences beyond Billy, and yet none of that knowledge gives him the one thing he would need in order to judge perfectly.

He cannot see everything. Neither can we.

There is something healthy in admitting that before making a consequential decision. It does not mean refusing to decide. Leadership cannot function that way, nor can parenting, teaching, courts, churches, organizations or families. Sometimes the information available is all the information we are going to get, the deadline arrives, and somebody has to act.

Perhaps the goal, then, is not certainty. And even though integrity is absolutely necessary...Perhaps it is 'faithfulness' that is the priority

Gather what can be known. Listen carefully. Question the convenient version of events, particularly when it happens to confirm what I already believe. Examine my own motives without assuming that I understand them perfectly. Seek counsel from people willing to disagree with me. Pray. Wrestle. Make the best decision I can make, and then retain enough humility to admit later that I may have gotten it wrong.

That sounds reasonable enough until we confront the burden underneath it. Because some decisions cannot be retrieved.

A reputation may already have been damaged. A relationship may have changed. An opportunity may have disappeared. A sentence may have been imposed. Words cannot always be called back, and consequences rarely remain confined to the boundaries we imagined when we acted.

The "retraction" in newspapers is always buried in an obscure place in the back of the paper. Apologies are never offered. But there is still hope if you keep reading.....

If the moral order of the world finally depended upon human beings possessing enough wisdom to anticipate every consequence of every decision, despair would seem like a fairly reasonable response.

This is where, for me, the question eventually leaves philosophy and enters theology.

The Christian claim is not that human beings, with sufficient prayer and integrity, eventually become reliable judges of everything. Scripture is far less optimistic about our powers of perception than that. The claim is that our inability to see the whole does not mean there is no whole, and our inability to govern every consequence does not mean that every consequence is finally governed by chance.

Joseph's words to his brothers near the end of Genesis have always been remarkable to me: “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good” (Genesis 50:20).

That sentence becomes particularly interesting in the context of these reflections because there actually was malice in Joseph's story. His brothers did not accidentally sell him into slavery. Their motives were hardly innocent, and Joseph does not sanitize what they did. He calls their intention what it was.

They intended evil. Yet somehow their intention was not the final intention operating in the story.

Years later, looking backward over betrayal, slavery, false accusation, imprisonment, political upheaval, famine and eventual reconciliation, Joseph could see a pattern that would have been impossible to see from the bottom of the pit. None of the individual evils had become good. Betrayal was still betrayal. Injustice remained injustice. But those events had somehow been gathered into a purpose larger than the intentions of the people who caused them.

Paul makes an equally audacious claim in Romans 8:28 when he writes that God works in all things for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. I have sometimes heard that verse used too easily, almost as though every painful event needs only enough time before we can explain why it happened. Life has made me much less confident about that.

There are things I cannot explain. There are outcomes I would never call good. There are losses for which I have no satisfying answer, decisions I would change if given another opportunity, and consequences whose purpose remains completely hidden from me.

Providence does not require me to pretend otherwise.

Maybe that is why I increasingly think of providence as mystery rather than explanation.

It does not provide a neat answer for every tragedy or convert every mistake into something we would have chosen. It certainly does not excuse carelessness by allowing us to say that God will work everything out anyway. If anything, our limitations should make us more careful with the lives entrusted to us, not less.

But providence does allow me to relinquish a burden I was never capable of carrying.

I am responsible for faithfulness, not omniscience.

I should pursue truth even though I will never possess all of it. I should examine my motives while acknowledging that God knows my heart better than I do. I should act with integrity without confusing integrity with infallibility. I should wrestle before consequential decisions, remain humble afterward, confess error when I recognize it and repair what I can when my decisions have caused harm.

And then there comes a point when I have to release what remains beyond my control.

That may be the final lesson for me in this strange trail that began with an old Paul Newman movie. Absence of Malice made me question the adequacy of good intentions. Billy Budd made me question whether integrity and law are sufficient to guarantee justice. Both eventually forced me toward the same uncomfortable recognition: human beings must make judgments while possessing only fragments of the truth.

We wrestle because our decisions matter. We remain humble because we may be wrong.

We act because responsibility sometimes requires it. We pray because we know our vision is limited.

And after all of that, there remains something we cannot calculate, control or completely understand.

Providence.

I don't pretend to understand its workings. Perhaps calling it providence while insisting that I can explain exactly how it works would contradict the very thing I have spent these pages trying to say.

I know only that Joseph could eventually look backward and see that the evil intentions of men had not been sovereign over his story.

Most of us do not get Joseph's vantage point. At least not yet. Job went to heaven never knowing the cosmic spiritual war raging in the background. The lens we walk in still has that dusty glass.

So we do the best we can with the light we have, remain suspicious of our own certainty, ask forgiveness when we fail, extend mercy to others who are judging with limited sight as well, and trust that there is a wisdom beyond ours at work in places we cannot see.

For now, I think I am content to leave it there—in the mystery of providence.

Critics will moan and say that is just a "God in the gaps" flimsy retreat. And they may be right. But it is the only choice we have- He is the only one WHO can judge in perfection. And because of that, His rule stays consistent through all eternity. That is all we have.

Looking Backwards